Whoops, my bad.

Tegan Barbara

29 Apr 2025 — 1 min read

You sent me a text last night.

You wrote:

“You were different, intriguing even and unlike anyone I’ve ever met before”.

In saccharine detail you said,

“Life without you is a palette of grey. Where did I go wrong?”

Forgive me for being cutthroat, it’s just that the writer in me couldn’t resist editing for accuracy.

What you should have written was:

“The moment I realised I couldn’t possess you; I took it upon myself to bring you down a peg. I purposefully made my terms and conditions indecipherable to confuse you, and sadistically, I got a real kick out of trivialising everything you held dear to you. Despite my churning through self-help books, I’ve never been more selfish and less well. Please don’t be fooled by my self-righteousness, I actually loathe the person I am.”

Would you look at that? You just answered your own question.

- Sorry I didn’t reply, I was too busy fulfilling someone else’s dreams

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You asked me to wear the lemon dress