I played the cool girl

Tegan Barbara

Jul 25, 2024 — 1 min read

You called me pretty.

I played the cool girl,

a constructed portrayal of mystery & inaccessibility.

Did I make a mistake?

Isn’t that what you wanted?

A mere prop,

a decorative ornament atop your bookshelf.

Isn’t that what we both wanted?

Sometimes I remember the heavy weight of your thighs

pressed hard against my own.

It’s intoxicating.

I miss it.

It’s terrifying.

I run from it.

These days I’m softer.

I taste different,

less acidic.

Fuck being the cool girl.

-She’s burning

Have you ever?

Have you ever Crashed into someone heart first Converged ? A collision of violent ecstasy, heart pumping bones shattering teeth reduced to shards. The voices in the backseat never cease pleading: BRAKE! Only accelerating comes naturally. - She’s Burning

but mum you said you were ‘friends’

Every now and then he points out the red bull cans stacked high atop the grocery store shelf. His bright eyes stare into mine as he asks: “Is it true, does redbull really give you wings?” Perhaps he thinks once yours grow, you’ll fly straight over? We didn’t

because joy is sweeter than they ever were

So, you lick the wound this one last time. Like a discarded snack plate going to waste at that party you wish you'd left sooner. It tastes bitter. Unpalatable. It ceased nourishing you forever ago. You've been gorging on their leftovers, on your salty sadness. But

The quiet cruelty of indifference

You say you love me. You just need time. Your indifference paints an uglier portrait. Something busted a deceptive mess. Do you want me? No. Your silence howls 'I DON’T WANT YOU BACK’. And I would have settled for a whisper. -She's Burning

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Have you ever?

but mum you said you were ‘friends’

because joy is sweeter than they ever were

The quiet cruelty of indifference